Fear of the Dark

“Fear of the dark, fear of the dark
I have a constant fear that something's
Always near
Fear of the dark, fear of the dark
I have a phobia that someone's
Always there”

These lines, from Iron Maiden – Fear of the Dark, explain everything I feel when I am alone in the night.  The feeling that someone is always there when you get up in the night take a leak or to drink some water. The fear increases when you lie down and are not able to sleep. You turn from one side to the other, but then you are scared even to do that as you feel there is something on the other side. I really hope its not only me. 

Many people like to see horror movies. Now there are 3 kinds of people (there may be more) who watch horror movies:

1. Who watch because they find the thrill of a horror movie experience

2. Who watch it just to make fun of the movie, as in what’s scary about it

3. Who watch it out of compulsion to watch such movies and are sure to have sleepless nights.

Now I belong to the 3^rd category. That is probably the worst of the 3. You know you are scared of the thing called ghosts. You know they scare you. You know you are not going to be able to sleep. But you still have to see it. Curiosity killed the cat they say. But it kills my sleep.

                                                         Source: ifunny.co

When I was around the age of 3-4 years, I am told that I used to tag along with my elder brother to go the bathroom or to fetch a glass of water, or something as he was scared to go alone.. Now years later everything has changed. 

You appreciate the horrorness (is that even a word) of a movie or a book by the amount of time you spend seeing stuff in the darkness and losing sleep over it. 

I like to see horror movies even though I know I am to regret it later. I like to listen to stories from people whether true ones or made up ones. Those are even scarier because it’s your mind that is painting the picture. Reading horror stories is really scary because it’s your mind doing all the imagination. I have been trying to get myself to read The Shining by Stephen King, but have still not started just because almost everyone says that it’s one of the scariest books. 

Talking about reading horror stories, while browsing the internet I came with the concept of one or two line horror stories and I was like how can that scare you. But it surely can. Here are a couple of the good ones I read.

-I begin tucking him into bed and he tells me, "Daddy, check for monsters under my bed." I look underneath for his amusement and see him, another him, under the bed, staring back at me quivering and whispering, "Daddy, there's somebody on my bed."

-I just saw my reflection blink. 

Reading such creepy one liners gives me the chills.  I really don’t know how I’ll find the courage to read The Shining. Hoping to do it soon. 

Let me see where the quest for horror stories/movies takes me. Hopefully I’ll become immune to this genre. But then by being immune will it take the thrill away?

Over and out.

Photography and Me... (Part 1)

"Photography (derived from the Greek phot- for "light" and -graphos for "drawing") is the art, science, and practice of creating durable images by recording light or other electronic radiation, either chemically by means of a light-sensitive material such as photographic film, or electronically by means of an image sensor."

This is what I got when I did a search for  photography. Reading it took me back to the '3 Idiots' dialogue where Aamir Khan define books and I felt 'wow this is how you define photography'. Photography always fascinated me. Even when I had the camera of Yashica(don't remember the model)  with the film and not great clarity if the object was more than 20-30 feet away and also no zoom. Even so I loved to take photos but had to control myself from taking random shots because the roll would get over and get wasted and I would get an earful from mom. This camera accompanied on various trips and helped us capture moments forever. We used it during weddings, gettogethers, vacation trips to Goa Darjeeling, Gangtok, Mahabaleshwar etc. I always wanted to take snaps with it but was not allowed to in the beginning, but then after a lot of pestering and being grumpy and using other ways to get it I got the chance to take pictures.

Since it was a point and shoot camera and no way of knowing whether the focus is proper or not, some photos that I took had been shaken and hence waste. But later I got the hang of it and loved every moment with it. Weird part is I always had a smile when I was behind the camera and not in front. During our trip to the North East I was the cameraman and took pictures during the various outings. This was probably the last time this camera was being used. No..wait..the last time this camera was used was when my brother had been to the North East. During the last few days of the camera I started taking decent pics and gave it a nice goodbye and put it somewhere in the cupboard where it probably still rests in peace even today. I had got a Kodak camera of my own as birthday gift but never used it as I was attached to this one...Yashica.

I got my 1st hands on a digital camera during a friend's wedding where I was experimenting a lot with the camera of another friend Sudhu. He had a Canon S3IS if I am correct. I loved the fact that I could take as many photos and choose the best one and not worry about the roll and with that not worry about mom breathing down my neck for wasting precious film. Another thing I loved about that camera was that it had a screen which could be swiveled to any angle and so enabling me to take decent photos which had a tight angle. My  mind was set and all I had to do now is to buy that digital camera. But I had no money so i went to my brother and told him, "Bhai, lets buy a new camera the one that Sudhu has." He said," Mom and dad se baat karna padega". And so we started the journey to convince mom and dad to get a new camera. Somehow we managed to convince them and set out to buy that camera.

I called up Sudhu and asked him regarding the camera and what all I should look for if I did not get that camera. He guided us and then we started to research cameras online. We could not find Canon S3IS as manufacturing of that camera had stopped. But found an upgrade to that Canon S5IS. I liked it and my brother liked it and we together made mom and dad like it. The camera was costing somewhere around Rs. 24,000/- Budget ke bahut bahar. Luckily we found a website online where the camera was available around Rs. 16,000/- which was still way off our budget but we were convincing our parents by saying stuff like, "It is a brilliant camera for a very very good price and lets not let go this opportunity'" and " We won't have to worry about the film roll since it is digital"and " When will we buy another camera? Not in the near future and if we buy this now we won't have to buy a new one for years to come." etc etc.. and we pounced on that offer. And hence we placed an order for CanonS5IS.

Have some more to write but if I do this blog will become long and unreadable. Will come back with Part 2 in some time.

For the time being,
Over and out.


PS: The conversations that transpired may not have happened in the same way or in the ease with which i wrote it.

Light at the end of the tunnel

Disclaimer: I really do not know how i wrote what i've written. Was doing something and out of nowhere i wrote it.

"Hey bro hows life kya haal chaal hai?"

"Kuch nahi yaar lagi padi hai. kya hoga zindagi ke saath pata nahi. Jo bhi mai karoon band baj jaati hai"

"Oho kya kiya tune isbaar"

"Wahi to tension ki baat hai, kuch nahi kiya"

"Abhi to bola ki band bajjaati hai wagera wagera"

"Haan kuch kiya ho to bhi dikhane layak nahi hai"

"Kya kiya tune, bata"

"Abhi to bola maine... Kya karoon mai samajh nahi aa raha. I really don't know what to do yaar"

"I don't get it, tell me maybe i can help you."

"Chod yaar, forget it, its as if the whole universe is lined up to screw me."

 "Hmmm... Did you ask for the screwing(wink) hahaha..."

"Haan saale mazaak hi lagega tujhe."

"Arre yaar come on I'm just trying to lighten the mood. Dekh, was I like this a couple of years back. No way. I was, if possible, worse than you. Don't you remember?"

"I remember, but you had help and luck going for you."

"Well, you are right I had luck and help. Aren't you lucky that I am ready to help you(wink). Don't worry we'll get through whatever it is."

"How can you be sure?"

"Am not."

"Huh!!!!"

"Have a little faith and believe you can get out of this shit you think you are in."

"I'm really worried yaar."

"Don't worry there's always light at the end of the tunnel."

This is a line used by so many people... It's rarely used by people going through shit or maybe it is I don't know. Many people struggle through so many kinds of stuff to get to the light. All the time this thought lurks somewhere in their mind - What if someone has switched the light off and its dark at the end of the tunnel? What will one do when they feel, has the person who told me to keep going seen light? What would one do in such a situation. What can one do. Nothing. Just keep living their life with a hope that something good has to happen? Or do something out of the way and blow the tunnel up and there's light everywhere and for everyone. How many of us have the guts to do it?

The point I'm trying to make is that.....I really don't know. Its just that when one is down and out all one has to do is believe that there is only one direction i can move, up.

This is a weird post. But am kinda happy. I want to write a lot more and this is probably good practice for what i have in mind.

Until next time.

Over and out.

Bomb To Bang

Its been too long a time since I updated my blog… So here goes my 2^nd attempt to keep my blog alive…
 

It was around July – September 2009 when we bought our home in Bangalore. The decision to move out of Mumbai took a while for my family. First we thought of staying in Mumbai after my father retired from NABARD. So, we started home hunting in Navi Mumbai, Thane and other places but could not find a suitable house. If we did find, it was out of our budget. Then again we started talking. During the talks we were thinking of cities like Hyderabad, Chennai & Bangalore. Chennai was discarded by my brother, my mother & me. My father wanted to stay there as it was his home and we didn’t frankly because none of us liked that place. He was the minority. In such cases minority generally loses. Next came Hyderabad. This was the place where my mother was born & brought up. Much like Chennai for my father, my mother wanted to move to this city. As expected was opposed by my father, he was supported by me (well I would have supported anyone who would not want to move to a place which meant I could stay in Mumbai) my brother was in two minds. Well I don’t actually remember how, but Hyderabad was also ruled out. Next came Bangalore. This was a tough one for me as I was not able to convince my family otherwise, as they had strong arguments…. It was an overnight journey to Hyderabad, mother was somewhat ok with that, it is a 6 hour drive to Chennai so dad was happy with that. The weather was the biggest pulling factor. I tried my level best to point out negatives but had to raise the white flag due to the 3 major winners they had. 

The New Year 2010 arrived. And as usual it was sucky. It had already become a tradition. I was going to join IIPM for my MBA. One last ditched effort by me to stay in Mumbai. I told my mother and father I’ll do my MBA from Mumbai. And I was counting on this, I threw all kind of crap to reason with them, but NOOOO…. As it was all kinds of crap they flushed it without sympathy…. I know you’ll think why show sympathy to crap, but if you are thinking in such lines then you are losing the metaphor. 

Well enough of me crying to stay in Mumbai, no plan seemed to be working. My joining was from the 24^th of May. So we booked the flight tickets to “Bangalore” for the 5^th of May. The D-Day had come. My family was given a wonderful sendoff and we arrived in “Bangalore”. It did not sink in that I had left Mumbai and will not be going back for a long time. It felt as though I had come for a vacation….

As our home was still being constructed we were staying in a rented apartment. Our home is in the outskirts of the city and connectivity via public transport is nowhere near to how it is in Mumbai. My college is around 25 km away one way. So I wanted a bike to survive in Bangalore. Now there was some debate whether I should get a bike which was resolved by my pestering. And I got my Suzuki GS150R. The bike is a wonder. More on that maybe later. My college had started. Found some really good and close friends. It started to sink in during my first few months in college that I had moved out of Mumbai which was followed by some really long days when I felt time had stopped and also some really long nights and some…… well I don’t want to remember them….. I cannot put it words the sinking feeling I felt every time I used to relive some moments in Mumbai and come back to reality. I know I’m still crying about Mumbai, can’t help it.

I have had some good times in “Bangalore” but still felt Mumbai could have been better. My friends here always say if I talk about Mumbai, “ Abbbeyyy, Fir shuru ho gaya tera rona”. I use to laugh it off…. But I used to feel really sad and no one understood…… Time passed on and I could not do anything but adjust. The work load from college was good to take my mind off of Mumbai. The best memory of Bangalore I have is that I don’t remember what I did my last sucky new year’s eve…. A good memory of not remembering one :-P :-P

It’s been just over 18 months in Bangalore and I still have to come to terms to that fact that I have moved out of Mumbai……………..

Now some of you may feel ‘what a stupid guy, making a small “moving” so big’. To such people I cannot say anything and they should be glad they don’t have to go through this and if you have gone through such emotions and still feel the same then I really don’t have words…….. This may have been a sad, senti, useless (or any other wonderful adjective) blog for you but it is much more than that for me. Have left out so many details to make it a small one…….

Well that’s about it for now…. Really hope it won’t take me such a long time to come back with my third…….. 

Over and out.

PS: This may have been a biased blog. But it is only my opinion….

My First Blog

Finally my first blog....

Alas!! the journey to start my blog has finally come to an end...It has taken almost 2 years for me to even make a domain..

Lets go back in time to March 17th 2007.
The day is still vivid in my mind. Its the day my most favourite metal band "IRON MAIDEN" was coming to India (Bangalore) for a concert for the 1st time. I had come to know about this 2-3 months before. I was ecstatic hearing the news only to have my heart ripped out a month before the concert. I HAD AN EXAM ON THE SAME DAY. Many thoughts were running through my mind. Some were realistic (Actually only one was). Some were plain anger and sadness and frustration talking. The realistic one was I could catch a flight to Bangalore and make it to the concert. But I couldn't. As I did not get the thing that would have made me happy, excited and what not.............The NOD from my parents saying "Yes, my son yes, you can go to the concert". And the other thoughts were, well, i should not talk about it. My exam that day did not go well. After my exam I made a plan with my friends to go for the movie "300" which was good, but I could not enjoy to the full. By the end of the day I was thinking this is the worst day ever. It was not over yet. This same day India had its opening WORLD CUP'07 match. I thought if India could slaughter Bangladesh that would help me a lot. BUT it didn't. India lost after a dismal performance. I was like "God, why are you doing this to me". After the longest day of my life i went to sleep. Before I fell asleep the whole day came back to me and I thought, the movie was the only good thing today. It was a silver lining in an otherwise very very very dark day.
A few days later i thought i would write a blog on that day to get the anguish out. BUT I didn't.

Now lets jump to 21st October 2007
This was the day I had been waiting for almost 5 years then. This was the day when Kimi Raikkonen became the Formula 1 World Drivers Champion. The race was eventful. The favorites to win the race and with it the championship - Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso - were almost at war against each other which showcased their run through the year as teammates. None of them were letting the other go ahead. It was like only a matter of time before they crash into each other and take themselves out of the reckoning. Atleast I was hoping for that. As things turned out be, Hamilton had some tyre issues and was pushed down the order. As for Alonso I don't exactly remember. I think he was just at some position which was enough for Kimi to win the Championship. Kimi won the championship with lead of a mere 1 point.
Again I thought I would write a blog. BUT I didn't.

Now lets jump to 1st February 2008
I can never forget this day. On this day the Gods of Metal descended to India again and this time to my city Mumbai. Yes, Iron Maiden were to play in Mumbai. Mumbai was the 1st stop on their world tour SOMEWHERE BACK IN TIME. They played songs from their 1st few albums - Powerslave, Iron Maiden, Piece Of Mind etc etc.... The gates for the concert were to open at around 4.00 pm. We reached there well before time. The concert was opened by Chennai based band called NERVERECK or NEVRECK, I still dont know. The music played by them was OK. Then came Lauren Harris daughter of Steve Harris (a guitarist of Iron Maiden). Her songs somehow were not at all a proper build up to Iron Maiden. Lauren Harris was only a visual treat rather than a treat to the ears. And then came onstage Parikrama. They played their famous numbers Tears Of The Wizard, But It Rained and others. By this time the crowd was getting restless, they were shouting at the top of their lungs MAIDEN MAIDEN. Then there was some sound testing done. Then it started. Iron Maiden hit the stage. Churchill's Speech right after it ACES HIGH. The crowd goes berserk listening to the guitars, drums and then Bruce's (Bruce Dickinson- vocalist) voice. The crowd was singing along with him, it was just an amazing feeling which I don't think will be able to put in words. They played a few other songs - Rime Of The Ancient Mariner, Powerslave, Revelations etc - and of course the anthems, Fear Of The Dark, Hallowed Be Thy Name. The anthems played by them was drowned by the chorus of thousands of Metalheads. The concert ended at around 10 pm. Everyone was still in a trance, atleast I was. I returned home. I had just lived a dream of singing along with Maiden live. For the next 3-4 days my voice was down, my neck muscles were aching (because of all the headbanging), was still in a trance. But none of it bothered me(except the trance part) as my dream came true.
This was the best time to write a blog for me. BUT I didn't.

Racing to 31st December 2008
The New Year's Eve had arrived. It felt as if it was just yesterday that I was celebrating the new year's eve. The celebration of New Year's eve 2008 was very exciting, had a night out with friends and well, we had a lot of fun. This time around I don't know why but it was just the opposite. It was the lamest, saddest and.....and.... don't know what else. A few of my friends had relatives come over or were out with other "friends". Somehow I managed to get my friends to come out of their homes and we went to play Pool. And then I said lets have dinner. To this they said they already had dinner and come. After arguing for a while I managed to convince them for some kind of snack. But NOOOOO, on New Year's Eve none of the stalls were open. It felt as if the whole world was against me. I said fine, enough is enough, I'm going home. And I remember it was 12.07 am that I was back home.This is the earliest I've ever returned home on New Year's Day. I was surprisingly very hungry that night. So I tried my luck and called up Domino's( I was happy they were open) and ordered a pizza. I ate the pizza watching Pirates Of Th Caribbean - At World's End. This was another silver lining on a rather dark night.
I thought i would write on my saddest New Year celebration. BUT as you know I didn't.

15th February 2009
Iron Maiden was to play again in Bangalore. And just like last time they played at this very venue I couldn't go because I had an exam on a Sunday. All the memories of 17th Mar'07 came rushing back to me. But this time around I tried to give my exam seriously, which I did. I also called up my brother (who incidentally has been to all the 3 Maiden concerts) mid concert to listen to a few songs. The songs were not clear even for a bit, but was happy to atleast listen to that bit LIVE. I realised one never gets what one wants in life. I had to write a blog now. If it is not now then I'll never write. I rambled on in my mind for the topic to write the blog but couldn't find one. And then I thought why not write a blog on the various opportunities I had to blog BUT I didn't.

22nd February 2009
Finally I'm writing my blog. If only I could travel time like I did in this blog and relive these incidents if possible change a few I will be very happy. Can't do that. Ah!!!

Well, that's it for now.
Over and Out.